Working Title Goes Here....

Nineteen Months Out...

2011-05-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

So since the world hasn't ended, I thought I'd do my 19 month update.

I have to say my world hasn't changed a whole lot since surgery. Obviously I have lost a lot of weight, but other than that, many things are still the same. I'm still a mom, still married, still work for the same company doing the same job...but everything is SO much easier to deal with.

I no longer worry about what people think of my weight...or trying to prove that once a upon a time I was thin (really! I promise! see, here's a picture of me back in the 90's!). I don't have to worry about trying to fit in a booth, or if I'm trying to squeeze behind someone or something, if I'll fit. I no longer have to buy clothes just because I don't hate the way they make my body look (I actually have choices that make shopping my personal version of hell). I'm no longer the biggest person in the room. My knees and joints don't hurt the way they used to. The only medical condition I had was PCOS (though many were looming) and that has cleared up completely. No more dark patches, a regular cycle, skin tags no longer crop up, no more cystic acne, my two or three chin hairs I had sprouted no longer come in as dark as they once did, and my hair went back to normal after the initial loss from surgery (yes, chances are you will lose hair). No more seat belt extenders on airplanes.

The biggest negative I've had so far is constipation/hemorrhoids from calcium citrate. I still have hemorrhoid issues to this day from that, and I'm sure that I have/have had a fissure. I'm too stubborn to have anyone look at it, so I just treat the symptoms. I've since settled on calcium hydroxyapatite as my calcium of choice after trying several blends and brands. My labs have been fine on it, and I've had no constipation issues from it so I'll stick with it. My D and B has been low, so I've had to work on upping those. I've got some loose skin, a.k.a. batwings that bother me but not enough to do anything about it. My thighs are pretty gross too, but I never show those the way I show my arms. I was getting a manicure the other day and my sweet Vietnamese nail tech got a good kick out of my swinging wings and brought it up to the other nail techs and they all got a good chuckle while she was massaging me. LOL It was like an episode out of Seinfeld.

My diet hasn't changed too much. I focus on protein first (which never was a problem for me anyway, I've always been a meat and cheese girl over bread and sweets), and keep up with my vites and calcium. I pretty much only use the rest room in the morning. My body likes to get me up about 4 am for the first round and then the second round is usually around 8 am and then I'm good for the day. I can have gas issues, and yes, it can peel paint, but it is totally totally totally controllable depending on what I eat. My biggest offending food would have to be cheese puffs. I will only eat these if I know my family will be gone for the night. LOL Also white rice does me in. But really that's about it. I know what not to eat if I'm on a business trip with my boss. I'd say the first 6 months was spent trying out foods and testing them to see how my body reacted and if I didn't know how I reacted to it, I didn't eat it if I wasn't at home.

My starting weight with surgery was 279 (highest being a little over 300), and my lowest was 168. I went from a size 26 bottom, 22/24 on top to a 10/12 on the bottom and a medium top. My feet went from a 9w to a 7 or 7.5 depending on the brand. That's been crazy!

So in other news, I'm 23 weeks pregnant. I was 14 months out when it happened. My surgeon was supportive, but he said he would never want to see it happen any earlier (he prefers 18 months). I just had my second set of labs drawn so I'll know what this little vampire baby is sucking out of me in a week or two. I really haven't gained any weight; both my surgeon and my ob assure me it's fine and that the baby is taking what it needs from me. I had my big ultrasound two weeks ago and everything was right on target with the baby so that made me feel a lot better about not gaining. I eat all the time, all day long but I'm all belly. I really am hoping that I will put on some weight in the back half of this pregnancy.

Doctor's Appointment Yesterday

2011-04-13T18:48:00.001-07:00

Went to the dr's office for a routine appt yesterday. It was good! I think I've gained 2 lbs, which puts me back to my starting weight. I'm really doing my best to gain at this point, and eat like there is no tomorrow (had weight loss surgery...hard to gain) so I was a bit encouraged and hope those two stick. I've gained and lost two pounds for the last 6 weeks or so, so need some good thoughts on some meat sticking! Blood pressure was 100/60, which is also something I'm keeping an eye on. I've started getting dizzy and such when I stand up so if that keeps on, I'll bring it up at my next appt.

She listened to the baby's hb, and was literally like the baby whisperer. She felt the top of my uterus, then took the doppler and put it right on the baby and we instantly heard the hb. She listened for about 3 seconds and said it sounded good. She did a colposcopy since I had an irregular pap smear during my annual back October. She said everything looked less than low grade, and didn't do a biopsy so that was good. I asked her a couple of questions about travel, and she said my csection would most like be the 9th.

What sucked, though, was that before she came in, I overheard her on the phone, which was just outside of the office and the door was cracked a bit, and she was having to call someone to tell them their down's test came back 1 in 97. So glad I didn't get that call.

The DS (Pregnant) Diaries...

2011-04-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to be freaking huge this pregnancy. I haven't gained a single ounce, but I'm all belly which means I'm still technically losing weight. But my cute maternity shirts look filled out right now at 16 weeks. Ummm, how are they supposed to fit in 4 months when I'm 8 months pregnant? Also, I'm worried about not gaining enough weight. I've been increasing my carbs, eat all the time, and nothing.

Five Months Out

2010-03-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

Ok...so I missed my four month update, both written and pictures. LOL It just kinda blew by and I didn't acknowledge it for some reason. I'm not going to let this one blow by because I want to document my progress so I can see how far I've come.

I've had a pretty easy road to date. Not entirely boring, but I'll take it! My D is low, so I've added VitaLady's D to my vitamins. And hopefully once it becomes spring around here being in the sun will help as well. My biggest issue is probably hemorrhoids of the internal variety. I have to be super conscious of my water intake as that seems to be what flares them up the most. Not fun! When it happens, even my soft ds poops feel like glass. *sigh* but that's the worst of it!

I'm not a carb watcher, and although I may hate myself for it in the long run, I really don't monitor them. I've never been a huge sweet eater, so most of my carbs come with protein (except for the sweet tea I have to have a couple times a week). The worst food possible for me gas-wise is Chipotle. Holy hell their burrito in a bowl about killed me and my family the other night. They are off the list on a permanent basis! Other than that, I really haven't met a food I can't handle.

And like everyone else, my hair fell out in clumps starting last month. Sweet Jesus, I thought I was going to be bald at the rate it came out. It's still falling out but not as noticeable as it was so hopefully it's stopping. And of course while the hair on my head is falling out, every other hair on my body is growing just fine. *sigh*

Weight and size-wise...I started my journey at 299 - I'm sure I was over that but the scale only went up that far. I dieted down to 280, which is where I was the day of surgery. I'm currently at 209, and according to the math, I've lost 61% of my excess weight. I was a tight 24 and some 26s on the bottom, 22/24 on the top and a 44C. I'm now a 16 petite (in regular sizes!) on the bottom, and an XL on the top and a 38C, although the girls have shrunk like you would not believe. I have tried bra shopping at many a bra shopping place and no bras fit me like Lane Bryant. I will be sooo sad when I can no longer fit their bras.

In fact, I really adore and miss the ease of shopping at only one store. I never in a million years thought I'd say that as shopping at regular size stores has been on my goal list since the first weight watchers go-round a million years ago, but it was comforting to know what size to get and be comfortable in my own skin there. Shopping in regular size stores is...overwhelming. So many different size variations, and fits and cuts and I feel totally self conscious like they are staring at me wondering what the fat girl is doing in the skinny girl section. I'm just at a really awkward stage right now.

I also tried alcohol for the first time recently. I did not find that it affected me any differently than it did before - I got drunk at the same rate, and didn't sober up quickly the way I'd read about so I probably drank more than I probably should have thinking I'd sober up quickly. LOL It was fun though, and definitely won't be a routine thing, especially this early out, but it was fun to sit in the sun and enjoy a margarita.

My first big wow...

2010-03-02T21:23:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share this with ya'll because I thought it was really cool. There is a mom who works at my son's school that we've been involved in the kid's sports with for years. I hadn't seen her since I had surgery. Pre-surgery, she'd always recognize me when I'd pick up my son; she'd have him to the office before I'd even come in the door. Well last week, I popped in to get him and she asked who I was there for. Now, I've seen this woman for years so I was taken aback. I told her and then she asked who I was in relation to him. I was like, "ummm his mom?" And she was all suspicious and was like "really? you've lost a lot of weight! Can I see your ID?" She made me go back to my car and get my ID! Finally she called him and let me have my baby, and was totally complimentary and asked me what I was doing (she's all of a size 6 at best) and I told her that I'd had surgery and she said it was certainly working for me. It was really awesome! My best wow by far for sure.

Three months out :)

2010-01-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

So today I'm three months out and I have to say that things are now really smooth sailing! This month I made a list as I thought of how far I've come so I have something to write about. :)

I'm really excited where I am with the journey, not so much from a weight loss perspective, but just in how I feel over all. I no longer have that "truck ran me over" exhaustion feeling, I am no longer sore or swollen (I stayed swollen for probably 8 weeks in my abdomen area). My energy level is really picked up but I find that if I don't get in proper amounts of protein I get tired really easily. I am not up to the 90 grams. I average about 50 or so, which I know isn't great but I'm working on it. I've also started slowly adding back in the gym to tone things up as I lose and it's waaay easier to exercise at 226 then it was when I was in the 280s!!

So some things that I've noticed...

My burper is no longer broken. After surgery I always felt like I couldn't burp and air was just trapped in there. I imagine it was because things were so swollen but I finally feel like I can burp again and it's a relief!

The dark patches of skin I had under my arms and around my neck and waist are fading rapidly. It just kinda has rolled up and fallen off. LOL not complaining! I just wish my boobs wouldn't have followed suit. *sigh*

My hair appears to be intact so far. I noticed some increased shedding this week and I imagine my non-stellar protein amounts have something to do with it. I've had major surgery several times and haven't ever lost hair so I think it's the protein thing.

I've been doing ok on my supplements. I ran out of my ADEKs (which I know are not the grown up vitamins I should be taking any way) for about a week but I'm back on track with them now. I go for my labs soon and I'll make some decisions about how to proceed then. I take two multi's a day, and then two doses of two pills of the sam's calcium. I had to stop taking the calcium for two days though, because it either caused or exacerbated some constipation issues I was having. Holy hell, what I wouldn't have given for a nice soft poo a couple of weeks ago! I have upped my fluids and started taking a stool softener at night. Things seem to be easing up some but man, it was rough going for a couple of days there. I was seriously looking in to whether or not they did anus transplants. LOL

I went through a stage around 10 weeks where I decided I was going to over eat. It was so frustrating! I'd want to eat more, but I just couldn't. So then I'd end up regurgitating the last bite I took for a while and be miserable. It took me about a week or so to get it back in to my big fat head that I couldn't eat like a preop! It was good practice, though, in that I've really got it down to when I'm starting to get full and stop eating. I also now have days where my pouch feels like the size of a thimble, and other days it's normal. I haven't puked ever, even though a couple of times I may have felt better if I did.

Weight-wise, I'm down 52 lbs. According to the labrat people, that's 46% of my excess weight gone. My surgeon has a goal weight of 165 set for me. I'm not sure if I'll get there or not but I have hope that since I've lost this much so far that I'll continue to lose over the next 6 months or so. Or I could be really lucky and blow by the 165 and end up at 145, which is my own personal secret stretch goal weight (and probably wishful thinking).

Size-wise, I started at a tight 22/24. I was probably a 26 on the bottom but was squeezing in to a 24 lol. I just bought my first pair of jeans not from a plus size section. I was able to fit in to 18's from Old Navy. WHOO HOOO!!! That was a big wow for me. I haven't bought any new clothes except for those jeans and two tshirts from there as well. I'm going to have to do something about the clothing situation soon, though, because I'm starting to swim in my clothes and it looks kind of ridiculous. I didn't mind them being loose, but this week they were so loose I was actually walking on them because they were so long. I'm starting to notice bones where I couldn't feel them before, like where my rib cage starts, or my hip bones. I can also see shadows of where my collar bones live but they haven't come to play yet.

That's me in a nutshell!

Two Months Out

2010-01-03T20:39:00.001-08:00

Well things have been pretty uneventful here lately. I finally got over being sick but it took a good month. I'm not sure if I really had a bad bug or if my weakened immune system post-surgery took me down.

I can now sleep on my side with arms down, instead of having to keep them above my head; I was too big to do this before - it's like my arms didn't fit next to me on my side or something.

I can now shop in old navy and I fit in to their 2XL but the next time I pick something up I will pick up XL or L. I also tried on a pair of size 20 jeans (the biggest they have) and they fit with room so I think I'm in an 18 there. SUCH a relief to be not totally dependent on Lane Bryant!!! I picked up a shirt there (my first post surgery purchase) and paid $7. I've NEVER paid less than double that for a LB shirt. And people are just going to have to get used to my baggy clothes. I have tried to shop at Goodwill but can't get past the whole "other people have worn these" thing. For when I do decide to buy, I think it was LaShelle who said that she likes to buy things skin tight so she can fit in them longer and I think I will be a fan of that!

I've found that sugar makes me feel pretty crappy. I posted recently about testing my carb limits and found that carbs from bread or the like are ok, but anything sugar just makes me feel like crap. Good thing I wasn't a sugar person to begin with but there are still somethings I like to have but have to weigh heavily with feeling like crap - like a tasty peppermint mocha that I have waited a whole year for.

The worst part of the surgery so far is the morning poos. I'm just not in the right frame of mind to poo so early! LOL That, and it's the oddest most disconcerting feeling to have this empty sucking hungry feeling while on the top half while the bottom half of me is attempting to empty itself.

All of my anxiety issues are resolved. I've been seeing someone to talk through it and it's helped. I'm taking my husband with me the next time I go to talk through some things. Nothing major but major weight loss when both partners are heavy can be a blow to the one not losing so I want to get in front of any issues.

Whining and an update...

2009-12-03T19:58:00.001-08:00

Just some run of the mill whining to go with my cheese. I feel like complaining but don't know who to complain to, and really, nothing good can come of it.

First, surgery-wise, I'm doing great. Everything is healed up. My scars are still angry pink but they are healed, including the onQ pain pump site that was infected. I finished the antibiotics that my pcp gave me and was feeling pretty good. I saw Dr. Smith last two weeks ago today, on the 19th and he cleared me for work. My first week back to work was Thanksgiving week. It was nice because it was a short week and kinda broke me in.

This week is my second week back and I feel pretty ok. I make sure to take string cheese and some of those buddig lunch meat packs. I also have some lunchables that I have eaten at lunch. I was really worried about food at work but it's been pretty easy so far. My typical schedule is to have a shake on the way to work. If I don't do this, I'm behind on protein all day long. So I make sure to get it in by the time I hit the floor at work. That's about 8:30ish. By 9:30-10 I'm ready for real food and am HUNGRY. We have a cafeteria downstairs and I can get an egg and three pieces of bacon for like $2.50. I know that adds up and I should make it at home but I'm not there yet. I usually eat lunch about 12:30ish and then a snack or two. On the way home I try to have a protein bar. Water has been fine - I get at least 60 ounces a day. I find I have a hard time estimating protein for things that aren't pre-packaged.

So the whining...first, I don't feel good. I've had kinda a mucus kinda cough. So far it hasn't gone deep in to my lungs and I pray that continues. It's just kinda an annoying drip and cough. I hate being sick! X(

Second...I'm in a stall. And it's SUPER annoying. I've only dropped three pounds since the 21st. That's almost two weeks! GRRRR! And I would read people who would post in a panic on OH about how they are stalled and have been for weeks and that they are the ones that the DS is not going to work for them. And I would think "you fucking idiot, you just had weight loss surgery. Of course you're going to lose weight. STFU". But here I am, bummed and frustrated that I have not lost like I did the first month. *sigh* My clothes are getting looser but it's just frustrating and I feel like a whiny baby. People keep asking me how much weight I've lost and I have to keep saying the same number over and over. My one sanity factor is that I started my period yesterday and I'm praying I'm carrying water weight and I'll magically drop 10 lbs when it's done. A girl can hope!

And I am not the brightest crayon in the box. I decided to really test the limits of my carb intake. In an all day training class with about 15 of my peers. Smart? I think not! LOL For breakfast, they brought in dunkin donuts. I was good and had my three pieces of bacon, and picked up what I thought was a blueberry cake donut thing. Nope, it was pumpkin and it was TO DIE FOR. I thought I could resist it after a few bites, but nope, I consumed the WHOLE donut. That was about 10 am. By about 2 pm I could feel it coming on. My stomach started gurggling something fierce. And I had zero gasx with me. So I tried to tough it out but no such luck. I excused myself to the bathroom and released some much needed air (two times in an hour) and after that I was fine. Until I got home and then the dhr hit. I think I had my first orange slick and it was pretty gross!

So that's about it at this point in my journey.

Sick

2009-11-17T21:57:00.001-08:00

So I'm kinda known as Ms. Hand Sanitizer. I carry it with me at all times and use it quite frequently. So of course this week I got sick. I started sniffling on Saturday (after being with a bunch of germ-carriers on Friday night at my son's football banquet at the most popular kid hangout in the county) but it was clear and just kind of annoying. By Sunday night, it had moved to my lungs and with my asthma, it's not a good combination. I made a call first thing Monday morning and they worked me in.

My PCP gave me a prescription for an antibiotic in the tetracycline family. I didn't realize it till I got home and was reading the insert that came with the prescription. Well sure enough, tetracycline is on my list of do not takes so I called my surgeon's office. The nurse conferred with another nurse and they agreed it was ok to take but double up on the prilosec. So I took the first one about 4:45 pm. It hurt my tummy SO bad. I had wave like cramps and could literally trace it as it went down my intestines. Took about 2 hours. I consulted OH for tips on the drug but got lots of hugs and no help. So I reread the directions. The first time I had taken calcium (via cheese) a short time before I took the first pill. I read that it could interact with the meds to not allow you to absorb and to take it on an empty stomach. So I listened and took it on an empty tummy with lots of water about 12:45.

OH.MY.GOD. I thought I was going to die. It hurt SOOOO fucking bad. I was in agonizing pain for 2 hours, pacing the house back and forth because it felt better to be walking than it did to lay down and brace through it. I decided that was it for that med and called the doctor this morning and told him to give me something else. He gave me a z-pack and lesson learned to avoid all tetracycline drugs in the future.

I'm feeling a bit better tonight after running the humidifier for three days straight, taking lots of robitussin and drinking lots of water. Vites haven't been too great but I think today I'll get them all in. I only have my multi left for the day.

Three Weeks Out Today

2009-11-11T21:10:00.000-08:00

So today I'm three weeks out. I started soft foods yesterday (a day early) and things have gone down pretty well so far. I ate too fast this afternoon and have learned what that feels like so won't be doing that again. I do get hungry, but it's not like it was preop. I just kinda get a sucking empty feeling but my stomach doesn't gurgle.

The pain in my right side is pretty much gone but still flares up if I try to do too much (like tonight I tried to fold laundry and it came back with a vengeance). I'm worried about going back to work as I'm worried it's not healed as much as it should be. The doctor said it's muscle related - that things are probably healing in a certain way and when I move, it's pulling where it's trying to scar over. It's not like I have to do heavy lifting at work but at the same time, I need to be able to sit at a desk for 8 hours and pain wise I'm not there yet. I'm not sure what to do about that. I'm going to follow up with my doctor to see what he advises.

I tried pasta for the first time last night and I didn't have gas so I'm not sure if I didn't eat enough to do anything (maybe a tablespoon of macaroni and cheese) or if carbs aren't going to give me gas. But then I tried spinach and artichoke dip tonight and it didn't sit well so I guess it's still a lot of trial and error with what will work.

I have been having a lot anxiety issues since my trip tot he ER last week. I went in and saw a therapist today to go over everything and he was really helpful in giving me some tools to help me through when I'm feeling anxious. I came home from the hospital with some xanax, which has saved my sanity a couple of times but I don't want to be on it long term and I'm happy I took the step today to talk to someone. It really eased my mind that I wasn't batshit crazy, and he gave me some perspective.

Gas hasn't been an issue at all, BM's have been formed and regular. I go mostly in the morning, which is super annoying to me. I'm just not in the frame of mind to do that so early in the morning. LOL No nausea to speak of except after trying some baby food. I took a nap just after I ate it and had a dream I threw up. I woke up and there was the nausea! LOL

I've lost a grand total of 25 lbs so far. My doctor's goal for me is 165. If I'm doing the math right, that's just at about 20% of what they want me to lose. I can't tell the difference at all yet. People are saying my face is thinner, and in my two week update I mentioned that my bewbies are shrinking quickly but all my clothes still fit (though some are getting loose).

That's it! :)

What's your top 10 best decisions / things so far?

2009-11-09T19:17:00.000-08:00

Kerry posted on the OH form asking about the top 10 best decisions or things in our lives so far and I shared my answers with them. Here they are!

I love reading all of these! I don't think I'll have 10 since I too am still a baby but here goes...

1. Marrying my husband - and staying married through a couple of tough times. We got engaged, found out we were pregnant, got married, had a baby, lost his father and bought a house all in one year. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary and are still going strong.

2. Deciding to have our son - I had rabies shots after being bitten by a stray cat before I knew I was pregnant. None of the doctors,makers of the vaccine, distributor, specialists, etc could tell me what that vaccine would do to a child, and I still had several rounds of it to go while being pregnant. I was told that if I did not finish the treatment, that I could die. I trusted in God and decided to carry the pregnancy through the vaccine series. Though I was considered high risk and underwent tons of testing, I had a perfect baby boy who is the absolute light of our lives.

3. Deciding to quit working full time and go back to school full time to finish when my son was a year and a half old. I was going part time at night and it would have taken me two years to finish and I was killing myself and never seeing my family. We sucked it up financially, and I finished my B.S. degree in business information systems.

4. Working for the company I work for - I took a data entry job right out of college (the economy tanked and my degree wasn't in demand at the time...hmm sounds familiar! LOL) and it has opened so many doors and friendships, as well as given me the benefits to have my DS. The DS is not on the list yet, as we are still getting to know each other.

5. Completing my adoption search. I was adopted at 6 months old and when I was 22 I decided to search for my birth family. God was really watching out for me, and through a series of amazing events, I was able to learn my entire story from the time I was born until the time I was abandoned at 6 weeks old in the middle of the night in Golden Gate Park to being lucky enough to be adopted by my parents.

6. Holding my niece, Caitlyn, after she passed away. She was born premature and we really thought she would make it. I got a phone call the night before she died that I needed to come to DC immediately as things didn't look good. I hopped on the first flight I could but was too late. An angel of a nurse found me wandering in the hall and asked if I wanted to hold her and say goodbye. It was the hardest, yet most wonderful memory I have and I hold it and her very dear to my heart.

That's all I've got so far! :)

Two weeks out

2009-11-04T04:47:00.000-08:00

Recovery for me hasn't been the easiest road ever but I'm getting there.

So far, fluids haven't been an issue. I don't have to take these baby tiny sips that I thought I would have to post-op. I can take two normal drinks, same size as pre-op but I can't glug down a huge glass of water at one like I used to. But the normal drinking thing kinda weirded me out at first since I had read so much about sipping. I'm doing chewable vitamins for now, but that will change when these run out and then I'll flip to vitalady's schedule.

Food has been ok. My doctor requires 3 weeks of liquids/pureed foods, and then another 3-4 weeks of soft foods before moving on to everything else. I have one more week of pureed foods, and I'll be happy to move on some soft stuff. I'm eating corned beef hash, refried beans, soups, applesauce, and SF popsicles. My one "cheat" I've had is a laughing cow cheese wedge mooshed really well before it goes down. I seem to be lactose intolerant so hopefully that dies down some in the coming weeks.

As for healing, I developed a small infection where my OnQ pain pump came out and my PCP looked at it and put me on antibiotics for it. Then a couple of nights ago, I started having pain in my abdomen on the right hand side. I had had pain there since post op and the Dr. said to expect that to be very tender but the pain really increased a LOT and my chest area started feeling very tight and it hurt my ribcage to breathe in any sort of deep capacity. I tried to walk it off thinking it was gas but nothing helped and it felt like an elephant standing on my chest when I tried to lay down. After pacing the house for about 3 hours, I gave up at 3 am and went to the ER. They did every test they could do - blood work for infection, a CT scan of both my abdomen and chest, chest xrays, EKG, etc. None of it turned up anything. So I went home with a pain prescription and the doctor's office said that it sounded like it was just things healing up and scarring and my body was having a tough time with it. I am confident in that answer as they had ct scans from the day after surgery to compare it to. My thought at this point is that the abdomen pain is from healing/scarring and that the ribcage pain was brought about by how I was holding my upper body to compensate for the pain.

Other than that little bump, so far so good! I'm down 20 lbs in two weeks, but am still so swollen that I can't even fit in to my pre-op fat jeans - hopefully by next week things will be less swollen and I can wear them. My baby is tired of seeing me in sweats and PJ bottoms! :) My bewbies are GONE! My bras are already very baggy in the cups which sucks. I've been wearing a lot of sports bras. I did go through my dresser and have donated all my summer fat clothes and luckily I'm pretty well set up for the next size down so hopefully that will get me through the winter without having to drop too much on clothes.

I can't wait to be totally healed and over the pureed/soft food stages. I'm not head over heels in love with my DS but we're definitely warming up to each other! :)

Tired of feeling like poo

2009-11-02T20:05:00.000-08:00

I've decided I'm tired of feeling like poo. I knew that it would take a while to feel better post op - like I wouldn't feel better in a week, but it's been almost two and I'm tired of feeling like poo. Yesterday and today were the worst since I've been home. I started my period yesterday and you just shouldn't be allowed to start that until you're like 3 months out. I'm almost wishing it had happened in the hospital because at least I'd have been on pain meds.

Today my shoulder blade started hurting. Which I've read that if your shoulder hurts it can be a sign of a leak. So that got my nerves up. I took a xanax for it, and it did help, but all day long I didn't feel right. I ended up calling the doctors office in the early afternoon and they took all my symptoms and then called back in the afternoon to be sure I was ok. They basically said that it sounded like my recovered was exacerbated by my period and all the bloating and to call back if I had any escalated pain or symptoms.

Tonight was better. I went to GameStop for the boy's birthday present exchange (he didn't like the first thing we got him so we exchanged it) and then went home. I had guacamole for dinner, but it didn't sit well. I have taken some anti-nausea pills. I haven't had to take either those or xanax since last Wednesday so I was kinda bummed about that. Feel like I'm sliding backwards. I hope I turn the proverbial corner I keep reading about soon.

Word of advice on the stick blenders...

2009-10-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

...unplug them before you go sticking your greedy fingers in there to scoop out the egg salad (or whatever concoction you are craving) because otherwise your big fat palm could hit the on switch while your finger is in there and send you to the emergency room. Not so very much fun that trip was! Good news was that no stitches - the 1/3 of the nail that was cut through and the tip will eventually fall off and until then will serve as a "biological bandaid" according to the ER doc. I have received endless ribbing from family and friends on this subject...I mean how bright does one have to be to blend ones own finger?! LOL Anyway, I have passed on the warning...and haven't touched the thing since! :)

One Week Out Today

2009-10-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

Hola!

So it's been one week from today since my surgery. Things went pretty well!

I was very nervous when I got to the hospital and opted for the nerve stuff the anesthesia guy offered. I don't remember anything about the recovery room except that they told me I needed to keep breathing...and I remember some pain and telling them I was in pain and them telling me that until I started breathing regularly they wouldn't give me anything more. I don't remember getting to my room, only that I slept a lot that first night. They didn't make me walk, but did get me up in a chair.

The second day was a bit more eventful. I had had two albuterol treatments the first night and no issue...but the third one about mid morning the second day was not a good thing for me. My heart rate went up to 155, the rapid response team had to come in and I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. Of course my mom had arrived for her visit about 10 minutes before all that happened so I royally freaked her out. Because my heart rate didn't come out of 130's within the allotted time, I bought myself a day and night in the ICU unit but not before they ruled out everything else but the breathing treatment (they did a contrast ct scan for a leak, chest xrays, etc). I had to keep refusing the breathing treatments because I knew they'd do the same thing and even had the lung doctor come in and chide me a bit and each time I had to use the little inspiratory breathing thing to show them I was ok so that was kinda annoying.

I was released Saturday night late and had to get all my prescriptions before heading home and that was also kinda annoying. Things have been really kinda ok since getting out. I didn't get my fluids in Sunday but have everyday since then. I'm struggling with protein shakes because they are sooo sweet and gross. I have a whole thing of the unjury chicken soup but it killed me the first night so I'll have to try it again tomorrow morning to see if I have the same reaction. I have only been able to get about 1 and a half in a day. A whole one for breakfast and then a half after "dinner" - I'm on liquids for two more weeks. Supplements are ok - I haven't gotten a full day but I've gotten at least a dose of everything in and today might be my first day for getting everything in.

First impressions....my stomach makes the most ungodly noises when I eat something it doesn't like. I mean it literally sounds like a toilet flushing inside me. Gross. I can't imagine having that happen in a meeting. I've had maybe 3 incidences of paint peeling gas..otherwise it doesn't really smell like anything yet. Poos were liquidy early out and then hard to where I took some fiber. I'm hoping they come out somewhere in the middle but I think it's too early to tell yet. I don't go frequently but again, I think it's probably too early to tell what they will turn out to be on average.

I find I'm lactose intolerant right now - I made the mistake of having two ounces of cottage cheese for lunch and I swear it is going to perforate my seams of my stomach with all the bloating and gas UGH. Won't do that again! :)

So all in all, I'm alive, switched and have dropped 16.5 lbs in a week. Whooo hooo!Hola!

So it's been one week from today since my surgery. Things went pretty well!

I was very nervous when I got to the hospital and opted for the nerve stuff the anesthesia guy offered. I don't remember anything about the recovery room except that they told me I needed to keep breathing...and I remember some pain and telling them I was in pain and them telling me that until I started breathing regularly they wouldn't give me anything more. I don't remember getting to my room, only that I slept a lot that first night. They didn't make me walk, but did get me up in a chair.

The second day was a bit more eventful. I had had two albuterol treatments the first night and no issue...but the third one about mid morning the second day was not a good thing for me. My heart rate went up to 155, the rapid response team had to come in and I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors. Of course my mom had arrived for her visit about 10 minutes before all that happened so I royally freaked her out. Because my heart rate didn't come out of 130's within the allotted time, I bought myself a day and night in the ICU unit but not before they ruled out everything else but the breathing treatment (they did a contrast ct scan for a leak, chest xrays, etc). I had to keep refusing the breathing treatments because I knew they'd do the same thing and even had the lung doctor come in and chide me a bit and each time I had to use the little inspiratory breathing thing to show them I was ok so that was kinda annoying.

I was released Saturday night late and had to get all my prescriptions before heading home and that was also kinda annoying. Things have been really kinda ok since getting out. I didn't get my fluids in Sunday but have everyday since then. I'm struggling with protein shakes because they are sooo sweet and gross. I have a whole thing of the unjury chicken soup but it killed me the first night so I'll have to try it again tomorrow morning to see if I have the same reaction. I have only been able to get about 1 and a half in a day. A whole one for breakfast and then a half after "dinner" - I'm on liquids for two more weeks. Supplements are ok - I haven't gotten a full day but I've gotten at least a dose of everything in and today might be my first day for getting everything in.

First impressions....my stomach makes the most ungodly noises when I eat something it doesn't like. I mean it literally sounds like a toilet flushing inside me. Gross. I can't imagine having that happen in a meeting. I've had maybe 3 incidences of paint peeling gas..otherwise it doesn't really smell like anything yet. Poos were liquidy early out and then hard to where I took some fiber. I'm hoping they come out somewhere in the middle but I think it's too early to tell yet. I don't go frequently but again, I think it's probably too early to tell what they will turn out to be on average.

I find I'm lactose intolerant right now - I made the mistake of having two ounces of cottage cheese for lunch and I swear it is going to perforate my seams of my stomach with all the bloating and gas UGH. Won't do that again! :)

So all in all, I'm alive, switched and have dropped 16.5 lbs in a week. Whooo hooo!

Surgery!

2009-10-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm alive! I made it through surgery! I had it on the 21st of October. I didn't get much sleep the morning before so was very tired and anxious by the time I got to the hospital.

I checked in and had to wait about 15 minutes before I was called back. I had to strip down to a paper gown, and D was allowed to come back with me. I was pacing, and generally very nervous. I kept telling him it wasn't too late to run! The medical professionals could tell I was very on edge and offered me some adavan to calm my nerves, which I took. I don't remember much after that. I remember going to the "kissing corner" and kissing D goodbye. I remember getting rolled in to the OR and seeing all the monitors and as soon as I slid over on to the table, them giving me the good stuff and I was out like a light.

The next thing I remember is being in pain in recovery. Very white hot pain but I was sooo sleepy that I don't remember agony but rather it was just there. I kept telling them it was painful and they kept telling me when I started breathing correctly, they would up the pain medicine. I could hear the machines beeping each time it picked up I had stopped breathing and they would yell from where ever they are "Jade, start breathing honny" and that kind of thing. I don't remember coming out of recovery, or getting to my room. I slept a LOT that first day. My hubby had on Glee, and I remember bits and pieces of that. Eventually they made me get in a chair and I did that for about 10 minutes or so before I wanted to lay down and sleep. I have no idea how people walk the same day - crazy!

They were very worried about my asthma right from the get go. They gave me two breathing treatments that evening and I was fine. I could do the lung inspiratory just fine. The next morning, my mom showed up to give my hubby a break so he could go let the dogs out. I had just finished a breathing treatment and D had just left to let the poor dogs out. My mom being around put me SO on edge that I had a mini panic attack. It was not good. My heart beat went up to 155, which is not good. Everything started to turn white, which made me panic even more. They called for the rapid response team but it was not rapid. By the time they made it there, I was back down to about 129 beats per minute, which was still high but not "the white light is coming" high. They were about 10 minutes getting to me and I'm sitting here thinking now, what if it was really bad and I went in to cardiac arrest? Would they have a responded quicker to a code blue call? Anyway, that was really my only gripe about the whole stay is that one piece of it.

So they hook me up to a heart monitor thing, EKG maybe?, to see what was wrong with my heart. They kept saying it was sinus rhythm that apparently was a good thing. Having been so educated pre-op, I knew that a rapid heart beat could be a sign of a leak or a pulmonary embolism. Because my heartbeat stayed so elevated for longer than it should have (it basically stayed above 130 for over 30 minutes), I bought myself a day in the ICU. But before they took me there, they did a full CT scan of my chest and abdomen to rule anything out and it was clear. I remember they put me before a guy who had fallen 23 feet and had broken bones - that scared the shit out of me because if that guy was that bad off, how bad off did they think I was?? It was pretty fucking scary. That set the tone for the anxiety I had throughout my hospital stay.

I don't remember much about the ICU on Thursday. My bff Katie came to visit for a couple hours so D could go home and let the poor dogs out. I'm eternally grateful for her support in all of this - I couldn't have done it without her.

Once I got out of the ICU on Friday, I developed a pain in my upper thigh. I mentioned it to the nurse and she told the doctor who sent me down for an ultrasound stat. I told them it felt like it was sore from getting in an out of bed and such but they sent me any way. It came out clean too.

Finally Saturday, they gave me the option of staying the night or going home. At that point I wasn't getting my fluids in and told the doctor so. He said to work on them and see if I could get them. I tried really hard and made it so I told them I wanted out. I got home about 10:00 pm. So far so good!

Couple of hours left until I'm on the bench

2009-10-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of hours left before I head to the hospital. I'm anxious but still pretty calm. Not sure I'll sleep tonight but I'm going to try. I did get a nap in earlier. I'm worried the bowel prep didn't work. I was told it needed to be clear but it's not and my tummy is still gurgly so I'm thinking it's not done yet. I'm worried I didn't empty out enough. :(

I went and got my picc line today and that effing sucked. They 'missed' the first time because the vein was too far buried in my fat meats so they had to go in again. It hurts and it sucks. I cannot wait to get some pain meds in me to relieve the pain. I'm going to wrap it up with plastic and tape and shower just before I go to the hospital.

Other than that the bags are packed, and I think I'm ready to go. I'll see you on the bench/dark side.
Thanks much to my angel Harris77! She kept me sane today after my mom bailed/failed on going with me to the picc line install. Love you girl!

Madwoman

2009-10-19T12:02:00.000-07:00

There is a madwoman on the prowl...I am crazy today! I'm wrapping things up at work, turning on my out of office, etc. I emailed Dr. Smith too regarding some hemorrhoid issues I had Friday. I've had them off and on since I went on the prilosec. I had told the hospital people but not sure why I didn't mention to Dr Smith. We even talked about the hard stools so I had my opportunity but didn't bring it up. Too shy I guess? Well of course that night I had an issue with them. *sigh* So I agonized over the weekend about whether to tell him since I had told the hospital. I had this horrible scene play through my mind that it came up on the OR table and they told me they couldn't do surgery because of them so I emailed him. He answered right away and said it was fine. So that was one more load off of my mind.

Tomorrow I work from home, get my PICC line, and do my bowel prep.

The Red Bracelet Reminder

2009-10-18T21:35:00.000-07:00

I went Friday to my pre-op appointments. They said that they needed to take some blood and they could either take it today or I could come back next week. Well, surgery is on Wednesday and Monday and Tuesday are going to be crazy doing last minute things so I told them to do it. They said that I had to wear a bracelet until surgery and if I took it off, they'd have to draw the blood and test it all over again.

So I've been wearing the red bracelet since Friday afternoon. My husband said I look like an escaped mental patient. LOL It is huge and unattractive. I tried to wear long sleeves and colors to blend with the red but haven't had much luck.

The purpose it has served so far has been a constant reminder of what is to come. I'm really good at pushing things I don't want to think about out of my mind but with the bracelet, it's a constant reminder and is very in my face. I think it's been both good and bad. Good in the sense that it is making process what's going on, bad in the fact that my anxiety is through the roof because it's constantly getting in the way.

T-3 days and counting...